I prayed for a long time that God would only allow Godly women to find me attractive, and for me to only be attracted to Godly women, however the only women who have shown interest in me, have had:
And although God has brought a couple Godly women into my life, they have told me they have no attraction towards me. This has become so extreme, that I've started to believe that if a woman is attracted to me, then they must be crazy, but if they aren't, they might be Godly.
At 31 years old, will be 32 March 4th, I have no full time income, no full time job, no house, no spouse, no kids, and nothing to show. I have followed God, and as a direct result I have lost everything including my freedom. If My Grandma dies, I may be homeless. Yet God has promised me many blessings, and every year people tell me that it will be the year God will do what He has promised, and each year comes and goes, and so do Godly people in my life. As this happens I continue to see injustice, death, sexual assault, and many crimes and injustices all around me, and I wonder when God will keep His promises.
My dreams almost seem deceptive, when I see something good in a dream, it usually has no basis in reality, and anything good I dream about, usually goes away in real life. God shows me women in my dreams, and then they decide they aren't interested in me. God shows me money in my dreams, but I still get $100-$300 a month. It just seems so empty, like my earthly father who took 8 years to keep a single promise. I'm 32 years old, must I wait 40 more years like in the Bile ? 70 more years ? Am I doomed to live a lonely life, with no fruit until I get to heaven ? Is this a prison sentence for good behavior ?
All around me wicked people prosper, and some times I'm happy for them and their kids, that they at least have something, and have freedom. So many around me have freedom, but I do not. I can't go camping, defend myself, or even get a job. It's so sad.
I fear my Grandmother will die, without seeing any good in my life.